It is indisputable that haggis is a delicious traditional Scottish savoury dish served with potatoes (tatties) and turnip (neeps) and is best washed down with either Scotch whisky or Irn Bru. The growing popularity of haggis, however, means that they are increasingly under threat from Haggis Hunters and can now be found in supermarkets and restaurants around the world.
Scientists, experts, and people across the world are all united in their belief that haggis, as a living and breathing animal, do not actually exist.
At the Haggis Collective, however, we believe that a few Alba Deploribus Haggisortium (Scottish Wild Haggis) can be found living a secluded and quiet life in remote areas of the Highlands of Scotland.
Wee Davie was told by his grandfather that the haggis is a small, extremely shy, hairy four-legged creature, about the size of a guinea pig.
Lore has it that the left legs of the haggis are slightly shorter than its right legs, which make it adept at scaling mountains in search of food and also for retreating down hill-sides when the weather gets bad. This unique perambulatory evolution is not without its issues. The difference in leg length causes startled or frightened haggis to run in perpetual counter-clockwise circles, making it easy to catch by clockwise interception.
Cunning haggis hunters (see photo) often wear a left shoe with a higher insole or raised heel to facilitate haggis catching. A lot of the haggis found for sale in supermarkets and restaurants met their end either at the hands of these despicable haggis hunters or from an ill-fated attempt to scale a mountain in the wrong direction and falling to its death.
The thick fur of the haggis, as depicted in our pixel art NFT’s, is essential for camouflage, protecting the haggis from the wild winter Highland weather and, of course, from the dreaded Scottish midgie! While haggis are generally wee, shy, timorous beasties, haggis can be ferocious if cornered.
Male and female haggis are almost impossible to tell apart visually. The exception is when seen in the wild running through the thick Highland heather. The male haggis jumps occasionally to rise above the bracken to see where it is going, while the female haggis uses a type of sonar to establish its location. The female haggis sends out a sort of ringing noise from a hidden gland under its snout. To avoid detection, this sonar ringing is inaudible to the human ear, except at certain times of the year (November to January) or unless a listening human is within 10 feet of (and facing away from) a geolocating female haggis. Clandestine haggis hunts mainly take place during these winter months to allow enough preparation time for the hundreds of haggis suppers traditionally consumed on St. Andrew’s Day and Burns Night.
Due to the rising popularity of haggis, and as we move towards a digital future, the Haggis Collective believe that it is essential that the haggis population have not only a safe digital sanctuary created by haggis lovers, but also a virtual place they can call their own where they can thrive in freedom, safe from persecution.
Join the Haggis Collective and be part of our journey!
